Life has been good recently. Life is primarily good for me. But as I look back over the last few weeks, life has been particularly nice. Last weekend was the jazz band concert, which went well. I’d much rather play in small jazz band than big band, but I still had fun. It was a great night. There’s just something fun about that much power coming from that many people. It’s a very communal experience. The reason I prefer small jazz is that you have more control over where the music is going. When I lock in with a good drummer, I can go anywhere on bass and within a beat or two, he’s right there with me. And if I’m playing with Mike No-Eggs, then we just go the same places simultaneously. Yep. So, I feel more creative when I play small jazz. Most of the point of jazz is improv to me, so I think that the small jazz format is truer in that regard.

Then, immediately after my portion of the concert I drove over to Craig’s church where I played in the house band for their worship team all weekend for the young adults conference that they hosted. It was a very interesting experience. Jordan continues to question me on why I go to these things, and rightly so, because I always come home upset. Some things were really cool about the conference. A few comments and particularly John’s, the drummer, workshop were refreshing but beyond that, I once again felt like I was supporting the man.

Here’s how I ascertain the value these things; were there any lives changed? I know from experience, the answer to that question; No. I went to tons of conferences when I was in youth group and all of the kids would get really fired up when they came home and then would shortly sputter out. One may argue that someone said something at the conference that made a lasting impact on someone there and there would be no way I’d know about it. Well, to me it’s a matter of efficiency. Should we put on huge expensive conferences for one little comment that might affect one person’s life? Is that the most valuable use of our time? Could not such a comment come about in everyday life with our friends? Shouldn’t we be making valuable comments every day of our life and asking challenging questions of the ones we love? It doesn’t take a conference.

Second question: What changes, if any would be occurring in these people? I know, from experience, answers to this question as well. People walk away from these things, more sure that they are going to heaven, more sure that God loves them, and more eager to “evangelize.” This to me is a sad thing. I’ve ranted tons about my problems with heaven being someone’s joy. Second, if it takes a conference to find out that God loves you, that’s pathetic. Take a minute and go look at a tree leaf. If you are not totally convinced after observing said leaf that God loves you and you call yourself a Christian, then you need to do some serious personal reflection.

The church has desensitized people to truth and beauty. I was at said conference and we were setting up gear here and there and the powers that be played Rita Springer through the system while were just waiting around. Now, Rita Springer has her place and can be very affective, but when you constantly bombard yourself with spiritually deep songs, one becomes completely anesthetized to good worship songs (and yes, I still do like a few worship songs). The church complains so much about the mass media anesthetizing us to violence and harsh language when really we do the same thing. And I’m not saying that we aren’t constantly surrounded with beautiful and wonderful things and that God isn’t constantly around us, but when we are constantly fed commercially produced versions of the experience and don’t take the time and discipline to be able to find the beauty ourselves all of the time, then we become blind to it. For crying out loud, they were showing clips from the Passion of the Christ on the screens during the music. First of all, I’ve been very clear about how I feel about that film so it kind of personally offends me that that was even up there, but beyond that it’s just making people blind to God. I really believe that.

So, I sound so negative eh? What would I like to see from a conference like this? If someone could put a conference together that actually taught people to love each other better, that would be amazing, and that would be the will of God. Teaching love is doing the work of God. There are so many things in this world and inside our own American, and Church cultures that are so unloving that we should not stand up for, and those things are not homosexuality and premarital sex. The more the church fights that battle the more they will be seen by the world as the judgmental people they are.

Anyway. I love my brother, Dwayne, Craig, and the Miller family. So it was good to see them. Seeing them all made it worth it. And I got to make some good music. And these things stir me up. It’s obvious that I still care about the church, I just don’t give a shit about the institution, and so I keep going back and pleading my case.  ¶ 2:13 AM